even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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