we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
