I think I died a long time ago.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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