One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
