she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize