Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
