i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
