I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
