watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
