Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
