He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize