He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
