Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
