ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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