3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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