you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize