The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
