do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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