I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
