the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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