I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
