i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
