Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
