You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
