She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
