dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that's an acceptable place to lick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found your dick twin last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
