In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
