Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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