these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
