I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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