She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
