I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
