woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
