Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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