If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
