Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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