She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
