So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
