You just made me feel so damn special
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
