Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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