Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
