Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
