Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
being pregnant is like rehab
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
