ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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