6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
