help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
