She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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