The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
