Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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