Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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