The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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