i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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