were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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