good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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