i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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