naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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