She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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