DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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