I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
