Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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