I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
