R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
