I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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