its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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