Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
