Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet he comes in French.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
