I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
